Lyndar the Merciless

a personal beauty + lifestyle blog

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The Reluctant Bride says hello.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012   |   10 comments

I don't intend to turn this into a wedding blog; I couldn't have given a toss about other people's weddings up until last October and I'm sure lots of you are the same! However as it's sure to take up a lot of my headspace in the coming months, I hope you'll put up with me as I introduce an occasional series where I share my take on the experience. 

I used to think they were complete mentalers but since getting engaged, I have actually become quite jealous of women who have spent their whole lives dreaming about their wedding day. It has to be easier than spending your every waking moment (and some sleeping ones, too) being dead set against convention in general and weddings in particular for the guts of 30 years only to have your lovely very long-term boyfriend become your new fiancé in the flash of a sparkly ring.

I feel completely at sea, somewhere in the middle of an ocean more terrifying than the Atlantic in a blow-up dinghy with one oar while the sort of towering waves last seen in The Perfect Storm threaten to crash in on top of me and spill me into the waiting arms of a giant Kraken. 

Not being in a position to whip out a shoebox or scrapbook crammed with the building blocks of my ideal wedding as soon as the diamond dropped, I am watching copious amounts of Four Weddings and Don't Tell The Bride and - very gingerly - dipping my toe into wedding websites in an attempt to get acquainted with that world so that I don't have to breathe into a paper bag every time I think about mine.

I have even gone so far as to try on a couple of dresses!

So far, in spite of my epic bravery, I have made exactly no progress. Although I have managed to rule out both the wedding dresses I tried on, so I suppose that's something. 

{the offending garments}

As for venues or what sort of day we want, neither of us have very much of a clue at the moment (and as an emigré whose pragmatic best girlfriend is the other side of the world in Oz, I am not relishing the prospect of planning what will probably be a wedding in Ireland from London.)

I have suggested a Wiccan ceremony, for the purpose of enjoying Mam's total horror at the idea, but I do long for something a bit different - actually genuinely different, as opposed to the girls on reality TV who use the word to describe the princess/fairytale/cookie cutter days they're planning - that's a good reflection of our tastes and what we enjoy.

At least Himself is interested in the gig, unlike some grooms who ban the "w" word post-engagement - if you don't want to hear about wedding planning, guys, DON'T PROPOSE!!! - and since he's actually been giving the whole thing quite a bit of thought and organised wedding fairs and run wedding receptions in a previous job, he probably has a better handle on the whole thing than I do.

Especially since my current idea of getting organised mostly involves sticking random wedding pictures that I quite like onto a virtual pinboard.

Well, I do have 30 years of wedding scrapbooking to catch up on...

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  • At 12:02 pm, April 04, 2012, Anonymous Siuners said…

    I'd be the exact same, I can't imagine the stress and impending organizing!!
    Hope it all goes well for you x

  • At 12:35 pm, April 04, 2012, Blogger S said…

    I hear ya. I joined a wedding website and they're all DS and DH and DD (and MEAN) and I haven't a bulls balls what anyone's on about. I never in my life thought I'd be worrying about crystal pins and pearlized card - I seem to have approached wedding planning like a bull in a china shop, aka do nothing for 3 months and then spend the next 3 sewing and making boxes like a madwoman! I have a bridesmaid that I would happily trade in for a Twix, and a groom that thinks "sure everything will be grand". HOW. I, too, laughed at Monica Geller's Wedding Book.
    I'm kinda jealous now.

    If I was doing it again I'd do it in secret, people are wrecking my head. Y'know what they say about opinions....

    Sorry for using your rambly box to let off steam! (or, LOS, as the internet weddingy people call it).

  • At 12:46 pm, April 04, 2012, Blogger Unknown said…

    Thanks Siuners x

    MissGreenEyes - I'm just delighted to hear I'm not alone so please consider the rambly box a safe space to vent. Snorted tea at the "my bridesmaid for a Twix" remark!

    I haven't properly braved any of the forums yet - those DH etc abbreviations make me irrationally cross - am going to stick with nice picture blogs for the time being. Baby steps ;)

    What stage are you at, have you set A Date and do you have Things Booked?

  • At 1:20 pm, April 04, 2012, Anonymous Cbb said…

    Feel the same myself, wedding planning is pain in the arse! Have married friends that "loved every second" of wedding planning! Trawling thru websites lookIng for bands, photographers, etc. not my idea of fun. Had thought we didn't want the traditional Irish wedding, church, hotel, band etc, but realised that's what people expect and seem to want & trying to something different & going out of way to do that we wouldn' t pull it off do sticking with tried & tested formula

  • At 1:35 pm, April 04, 2012, Blogger S said…

    I'm at the awkward paperwork stage! We're doing the deed (ooh-er) on October 27th this year, have the big things booked (church, venue, band), have dresses and little bits, but to be honest I'm DIY-ing pretty much everything. I'm trying to watch the pennies too and eBay has become my best friend! I have no patience, I wanted everything done within a week of starting the planning, just had to put it all away for a few weeks to be honest because I was starting to wreck my own head! Take your time and enjoy the engagement, I didn't :( xx

  • At 6:26 pm, April 04, 2012, Blogger Larie said…

    I felt exactly the same way! I'd never given a thought to what I wanted my wedding to be like, and suddenly everyone wanted to talk about it. All the time. What's the venue going to be like? What kind of colors? What kind of this, what kind of that? Honestly! Who cares??? If I don't, why the heck are you so invested in it? I gave up. It's all so overwhelming, and there are so many things that seem utterly unnecessary. S. and I decided we'd just do whatever we wanted, skipping the "traditions" we thought were dated or unnecessary, and keeping what we really liked. It's all been pared down and I'm so much happier, haha. Do what you want, and only what you want! Well, and what your other half wants, as well - that's just as important :)

  • At 8:36 pm, April 04, 2012, Blogger Nurse Fancy Pants said…

    Hi Lynnie, love your blog, first time commentating! I also recently got engaged and also really didn't think I had the bridal gene. For family reasons, the wedding is actually happening THIS August so I suppose I don't really have time to freak out, we re just getting on with it! Like you, we want a very different day thats personal to us, which I think were achieving but I know exactly what you mean, it is really difficult. I see you're on Pinterest, which is where I got loads of ideas but if you're trying to plan an Irish wedding from the UK, can I recommend One Fab Day? Its an amazing website with loads of ideas for planning a wedding here, seriously, its been a such a help. Best of luck with the planning. :-)

  • At 10:19 pm, April 04, 2012, Blogger Unknown said…

    Cbb - I've a friend who's loving the experience too. I half joking, wholly in earnest suggested that she organise mine at the same time. How much harder would it be considering she's already putting one together anyway, like?!

    MissGreenEyes - you're very organised! I am enjoying being engaged a little bit too much, I think, given how reluctant I am to do anything about the next bit ;)

    Larie - I'm deflecting most of the questions by asking people about the details of their weddings, have they any tips etc. I mean, I am interested in how they planned their day but it's also much easier than admitting I don't know what I'm at! I like the idea of tailoring as much as possible to suit exactly what you and your other half want and telling everyone else to go jump.

    CeeCee - thanks/welcome! And congrats on your engagement (and on pulling everything together so efficiently!) One Fab Day is lovely alright, one of the few sites I can stomach at the minute :) Anything that's too Bridezilla-ish freaks me right out!

  • At 9:52 am, April 11, 2012, Anonymous papillon said…

    I fine the website Offbeat bride quite good for quirky non traditional wedding ideas. That being said after a while of reading it grooms in converse seem almost conformist. Still it's a nice site. It is american though.

  • At 12:05 pm, April 11, 2012, Blogger Unknown said…

    Ooh thanks papillion - have bookmarked it now :)


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