The Reluctant Bride says hello.

I don't intend to turn this into a wedding blog; I couldn't have given a toss about other people's weddings up until last October and I'm sure lots of you are the same! However as it's sure to take up a lot of my headspace in the coming months, I hope you'll put up with me as I introduce an occasional series where I share my take on the experience. 

I used to think they were complete mentalers but since getting engaged, I have actually become quite jealous of women who have spent their whole lives dreaming about their wedding day. It has to be easier than spending your every waking moment (and some sleeping ones, too) being dead set against convention in general and weddings in particular for the guts of 30 years only to have your lovely very long-term boyfriend become your new fiancé in the flash of a sparkly ring.

I feel completely at sea, somewhere in the middle of an ocean more terrifying than the Atlantic in a blow-up dinghy with one oar while the sort of towering waves last seen in The Perfect Storm threaten to crash in on top of me and spill me into the waiting arms of a giant Kraken. 

Not being in a position to whip out a shoebox or scrapbook crammed with the building blocks of my ideal wedding as soon as the diamond dropped, I am watching copious amounts of Four Weddings and Don't Tell The Bride and - very gingerly - dipping my toe into wedding websites in an attempt to get acquainted with that world so that I don't have to breathe into a paper bag every time I think about mine.

I have even gone so far as to try on a couple of dresses!

So far, in spite of my epic bravery, I have made exactly no progress. Although I have managed to rule out both the wedding dresses I tried on, so I suppose that's something. 

{the offending garments}

As for venues or what sort of day we want, neither of us have very much of a clue at the moment (and as an emigré whose pragmatic best girlfriend is the other side of the world in Oz, I am not relishing the prospect of planning what will probably be a wedding in Ireland from London.)

I have suggested a Wiccan ceremony, for the purpose of enjoying Mam's total horror at the idea, but I do long for something a bit different - actually genuinely different, as opposed to the girls on reality TV who use the word to describe the princess/fairytale/cookie cutter days they're planning - that's a good reflection of our tastes and what we enjoy.

At least Himself is interested in the gig, unlike some grooms who ban the "w" word post-engagement - if you don't want to hear about wedding planning, guys, DON'T PROPOSE!!! - and since he's actually been giving the whole thing quite a bit of thought and organised wedding fairs and run wedding receptions in a previous job, he probably has a better handle on the whole thing than I do.

Especially since my current idea of getting organised mostly involves sticking random wedding pictures that I quite like onto a virtual pinboard.

Well, I do have 30 years of wedding scrapbooking to catch up on...